Epidurals

Epidurals…..to have one or not. There’s a lot of mixed reviews. I was one who was adamant about having one. I have a decently high pain tolerance but childbirth was not a pain I wanted to endure. Plus I wanted to be able to have my full attention on what was happening. I wanted to be able to remember every second without something like debilitating pain blurring memories. 😖

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Everyone reacts differently to anesthesia. I have no major issues with it. It makes my belly itch a few hours after I’ve stopped being administered it, but that’s the only side effect I’ve ever gotten. Just because one person has a certain reaction to it, doesn’t mean you will too. Everyone’s body is different. 💪🏻

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The epidural itself was pretty quick and easy. I felt a little pressure and a small prick but I never felt any major pain when the doctor was administering it. When the medication hit my body I felt a small burn like a fresh sunburn. After that I began to feel a little tingling in my feet. Not the annoying tingling you get when your foot falls asleep. A manageable non annoying one. Within 30 minutes my legs were starting to numb, and I felt no more pain. I could feel pressure but no pain. After about an hour I could no longer move my legs on my own. I would wiggle my toes a little but I couldn’t actually feel them. 🦶🏻

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Again, everyone is different. I am a fan of epidurals and highly encourage it if your doctor gives the approval for you to have one. I was able to sleep, talk/text with people and remember every bit of the birth thanks to the epidural. Would I like to be able to say I was strong enough to endure a natural non medicated birth? Ya maybe. But I don’t know that I would have enjoyed the process and been able to relax and remember everything that I do if I hadn’t gotten medication. To each their own! Everyone is different. I am very happy with my decision and wouldn’t change anything about the process we went through. 💙

Mom Guilt

I had no idea what I was in for when I brought Cam home from the hospital. I knew it would be different but I didn’t realize HOW different.

The first week we brought Cam home, I cried multiple times. Not from depression or anything like that. Mainly due to feeling overwhelmed and as if I was letting Ryder down.

Ryder had been so used to having 100% of my attention all the time. When Cam came home that changed and he got maybe 30% of my attention. The rest was spent feeding Cam, changing him, etc. It was really hard on Ryder, which made it hard on me. I felt so guilty I couldn’t give either boy 100% of my attention. And it’s not easy to get a toddler to understand WHY they are no longer getting all of your attention. I had a significant amount of mom guilt.

I’ve been working hard to find ways to make more time for Ryder. While Cam naps I give Ryder my full attention. My house is completely neglected and doesn’t look like it’s clean self, but I don’t care. Ryder needs me as much as he can get during this new change.

I’ve also made Ryder my little “helper.” I ask him to help me do things for Cam. Like hand me a diaper, close the wipe warmer, put away a toy, sit with us, etc. He’s proud of himself when he’s able to help out. I can see a significant change in him from day 1 to now. He doesn’t side eye his brother anymore. Lol He actually goes over to him and looks at him. Sometimes he points at things like his foot or hand and says “what’s this?” It’s progress!

I knew it would be hard, but I guess I wasn’t prepared for how hard it would be mentally and on my heart. I was just prepared for the physical aspect. This has been an eye opening experience. However, I don’t regret a minute of it. No matter how difficult, these boys are my world. 🌎

Hospital vs Home

After delivering a baby, most people actually enjoy staying at the hospital a few days because they feel safe. There are always nurses and doctors coming in and out checking on them and their little one. There’s someone to help with anything and everything. You literally don’t have to lift a finger. It’s nice having someone (besides google) available to answer your every question.

While I enjoyed staying in the hospital, I was also completely paranoid at night. I was constantly checking Camden to make sure he was still breathing. The first night I got one hour of sleep. I literally stared at him for hours. Night two I was so exhausted I managed to peel myself away from him for two hours to sleep…….I actually didn’t sleep by choice. I was sitting up watching him, I remember looking at the clock, then the next thing I know I was waking up two hours later in a weird hunched over position. 😴

The minute we got home and Cam wanted to nap, I put his Owlet on him and laid him down. I was able to nap too without any worry. The Owlet gives me peace of mind. It’s like a second set of eyes on him except with detailed monitoring of his heart rate and oxygen levels.❤️

I would literally be a wreck without our Owlet. Thank you to whoever created it! My sanity and need to sleep thank you!! 🙏🏻

I’ve got PUPPP…..

Guess who got PUPPP again! 😩 With Ryder it didn’t kick in till 2 weeks after I gave birth. With Camden it hit me the second day after birth. I’ve forgotten how miserable PUPPP is. Sooooo itchy and hot!

If you’re unfamiliar with PUPPP (Pruritic Urticated Papules and Plaques of Pregnancy), don’t worry you aren’t missing anything exciting. PUPPP only occurs in about 1% of pregnant or post pregnancy women. It is an extremely itchy, non contagious, red, bumpy rash that shows up on the belly and sometimes down the legs, butt and on arms.

PUPPP is most common in women in their 3rd trimester. But if you’re one of those rare special people like me, it’s possible to get it after delivery. They are still unsure what causes PUPPP. There are a few theories that it’s maybe genetic.

I’ve tried everything to get rid of mine or at least just relieve the itching. Oatmeal and baking soda compresses didn’t work (can’t take a bath just yet since I just gave birth). Hydrocortisone helped for a second but it felt like it moisturized more than relieving the itch. The only thing that gave me actual relief was pine tar soap. It doesn’t have the best smell so beware if you try it. It’s got a strong outdoorsy smell. But it helped with the itching and eventually got rid of the rash the first time after about a little over a week of use.

Im not thrilled I have to go through the process of dealing with PUPPP again. But at least I know what to expect this time around! 🙏🏻

Baby Update

Baby update: The boys and I are slowly adjusting to life together. It’s definitely been an uphill battle. Routines have changed and the vibe in the house is very different. Even the dog is thrown off. 😂 But it’s a good different. Literally each day has a new challenge to work around and learn from. 👍🏻

Trying to get Cam and Ryder up and taken care of each morning definitely isn’t without its battles. They are both in a demanding stage and need so much of my attention. Also, a clean house isn’t the easiest task now. So I do my best just to make sure things don’t pile up. Showering is done if I’m lucky. I have to beg someone to watch the boys just to be able to rinse off. God only knows when I’ll be able to find the time to wash my hair again. Dreadlocks may be in my future! 😂

By no means am I complaining. I love the new changes in our life. And despite Ryder’s annoyed faces he gives Cam, I think he will settle in soon and realize Cam isn’t a threat. If my over possessive dog can be ok with Cam I know Ryder will be too (eventually). 🐶

When people ask what I need, my only request is positivity. I just need everyone to be positive and happy around me. If others around me are happy and positive, it helps keep my energy levels and positivity up. I focus more on the good and less on the things upsetting me or stressing me out. And trust me, with 2 little ones under two, the feeling of stress and being overwhelmed comes quick!

Different pregnancies

I’ve been battling with contractions for the last three days. Yesterday I was able to make it to the gym for a bit but today I haven’t left the sofa. My body feels completely drained. Getting up to go to the bathroom or get water is the extent of my productiveness for the day. 🤷🏼‍♀️

It’s crazy how different each pregnancy is. With Ryder I had zero contractions. My water broke, I went to the hospital, got the epidural, took a few naps and it was time to push.

With Cam I’ve had contractions for a few days. Yesterday was the worst. I timed them down to 5 minutes and 15 seconds for 9 hours, then all of a sudden they stopped. Yet I was left with this debilitating feeling of exhaustion the next day. Apparently this is common. Your body may stop contracting to take time to rest, absorb nutrients and prepare itself for labor. Then they start up again.

I’m appreciating Ryder’s birth SO much more now. It literally was so easy. I’m having to pay close attention to this one and put in “work.” It’s a lot mentally. 😂

A clean house

If you come by my house in the middle of the day, you’d think I was running a daycare with multiple kids the way Ryder can tear up a room. There are toys everywhere! Being 9 months pregnant I’m over having to bend over and pick them up every few minutes. So I just kick them to the side to clear a safe path for he and I. 🧸

However, you can darn well bet when my husband sends me a text to say he’s on his way home, I run around like a crazy person cleaning everything up so it looks like we have a sane household. 😂 He doesn’t need to see the truth in the destruction that goes on during the day. I try to spare him that stress. 🤷🏼‍♀️