Only the strongest friendships survive life. I say life because it’s not just the ups and downs. It’s everything in between. Finding a good friend is like finding your soul mate. It’s not easy and you go through so much to get there. But when you find that person, it’s like something clicks.
When we were little we were so focused on making lots of friends. I think it’s fantastic for little kids to be nice to everyone and want to be friends with everyone. But as an adult, that’s an unrealistic hope that we can be “friends” with everyone. I hate to say it, but not everyone wants to be your friend. And that’s totally ok! You just need to find those select few people that you click with.
As you age, if you notice your circle of friends getting smaller, don’t be alarmed! As we get older, people change. Our views and beliefs don’t always align and this can cause rifts in relationships. Some people’s ability to accept can make it difficult and put strain on a relationship. Also, people have different life paths. Sometimes friendships dissolve without any actual problems. People just lose touch. It’s normal for life to get in the way.
My best friend and I don’t have the same views on everything. But we respect each other’s view even if it’s not fitting for us personally. We do however have the same values and similar (not the same) goals in life. We are both very supportive of each other in every aspect of life. That is part of what makes our relationship great. Without a strong support system you will find yourself feeling lost and maybe a bit alone.
Find that friend who encourages you and brings positive light to your life. Someone who can laugh with you at the stupid things. Someone who loves you even at your worst. Those are the friendships that will bring you support, strength and happiness. Find someone who makes you a better person.
No one prepared me for the truth about losing friends after a baby. It’s sounds bad I know. But you’d be surprised how many “friends” you had that don’t want to hang around as much once you have a baby. Yes I know the saying “then they weren’t your friend to begin with.” But let’s be honest, you never want to think your friends aren’t really your friends or that they won’t be there forever. Especially when it’s ones you’ve had for years and shared so many life moments with. But I guess that’s part of “growing up.” People come into your life and people leave.
After I got pregnant I “lost” a few friends. Some slowly started distancing up until the day I had Ryder. And then they just weren’t around anymore. I get it. We don’t have the same goals and wants in life anymore. Our topic of discussion changed. I wanted to talk about Ryder, how I was feeling, my health and fitness. They wanted to talk about their latest hookup, what they did last weekend, etc. (Note: not ALL my friends are this way) While I’m totally ok listening to their single life stories; I find a lot of them entertaining; I know they had no interest in what I had to say. That was eminent based off the glazed over look I got whenever I talked. It ended up being a one sided conversation where they talked and I just sat and listened.
Others weren’t big on the fact that I would bring Ryder to dinners with me. My husband works late some days and can’t be home in time to take Ryder before I need to be at dinner. So I just took Ryder along. I guess to some of those friends, having a baby at dinner is an inconvenience. I get it, kids can be distracting and can make conversation hard sometimes. But you’d hope these people that are supposedly your friends would be understanding rather than judgmental. I got invited to less dinners by them. Regular weekly dinners became once monthly dinners. Monthly dinners became once every few months. And now I rarely hear from them. When we do talk it’s very short. Mostly just your casual “how have you been, what’s new with you, etc.” While it’s sad to think about losing a friend due to differences in lifestyles, I’m ok with it. I’ve hit that point in life where I realize I truly only need people around me who are supportive and actually care about what’s going on in my life. I have a handful of “single” friends that I still see and talk to regularly. I appreciate their friendship more now days because they don’t let the idea of me having a child be a burden to them. The thing I love most about my friendship with these people is that they are so loving and caring towards my son. I’m so appreciative of those friends that don’t mind Ryder tagging along to dinner or events. I know it’s not an ideal situation for some because a lot of my attention is going to him whether it’s feeding him or trying to keep him entertained and not making a scene in the restaurant! But, they’re good sports about it! It’s those people that will be in it for the long haul.
I’m beginning to understand why they say it’s better to have a few close friends than twenty plus “just friends.”